"A life unexamined...

...is a life not worth living". Well. according to Socrates anyway! I've been doing a lot of examining today. My aim is to sort through the filing cabinet and drawers in my office today and I'm slowly getting there! But as part of that process I've had to sort out so much stuff that has been dumped and see if it needs to be kept or if it's safe to throw out. My bin is full and I still have a pile on my desk of stuff to wade through... and only half an hour left in which to do it! Thankfully my 'to do' list outside of this isn't too extensive so we're ok...

Im my pondering moments I very briefly thought about the analogy that could be drawn between the amount of junk that is accumulated in the filing cabinet and the amount of junk that can be accumulated in our life and how important it is to take time to sort through it all and get rid of stuff that's just taking up room... but then my brain started to hurt so I stopped!

So I'm almost at the end of my second week and I'm still surviving! This week hasn't had the same intensity as last week pre conference had so I have a chance to assess things and sort myself out a bit. Some of the team are away this week, including my boss so I've had a few days where I can get on with things uninterupted which has been really nice! I was taken out to lunch today by another one of the PA's who work here and it was great to get to know her a little better...

Must get on with dealing with my desk!... Hope to here from you all soon!

Yikes!

So it's my Second day and I'm totally exhausted already! :D It's been so incredibly full on today, I've struggled a little to keep up. People yesterday and today have been saying I'm in for a baptism of fire and I have to admit it began to feel that way today. I have managed to arrive in the middle of Conference Chaos... well maybe that's overstating it a little but we are about to host the Global Leadership Summit (GLS as I affectionally call it) here at church and expecting about 600 delegates over Friday and Saturday. It's very cool and very exciting but starting as the PA for the guy whose job it is to organise it has been a ride so far! My desk is a mess already and I've found myself writing and rewriting priority lists all day. I've managed to get through a fair bit but there's so much more to do. Everyone has been wonderful and so understanding and not expecting me to be able to do everything all at once but all the same I'm finding my people pleasing tendancies trying to kick in again I'm fighting the feelings of allowing the pressure to make me stressed and feel like a failure because I can't do it all...

But in the midst of the chaos today I took an hour out to go and see Tom, my Counsellor and it really was like taking the lid off a pressure cooker. It was so great to hear his reassurances that I have changed and this is a great opportunity to outwork the lessons I've learned in the past 12 months... I'll still continue to see him every 2 weeks for at least 6 more weeks and I feel really great knowing he'll be there for me to vent to, process with and hopefully he'll keep me accountable somewhat as well!

Well our evening training for the conference is recommencing so I must dash! Love hearing from you all!

Wow! What a week! So I had my second interview today for the job at Careforce and ended up getting a different job to the one I applied for! I went in looking at the Weekend Service Coordinator role mentioned previously and ended up with a full time PA position to the Creative Ministries Director at Careforce. I'm currently freaking out a little at the thought of it and I start on Monday so don't have much time to get used to the idea! Maybe that's a good thing as I won't have too long to stew about it! I'm totally trusting God that I'm ready for this and that He has orchestrated the whole thing. JJ, my new boss, has been so lovely and said that they were so impressed with my first interview they wanted me on board full time so that was really lovely to hear... AAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!! I've left Rachel in the lurch a bit trying to find someone to cover me in the shop and I do feel bad about that... Sorry Rachel!

And it was really really good having Jon down for the week. I'm so so blessed to have a best friend who constantly encourages me and tells me I can do amazing things and supports me and copes with my freak outs... I'm going to miss him so much when he disappears at the end of the year but I'm so excited to see what good things God has for him, just waiting around the corner... I can imagine the letter writing and emails and packages will be thick and fast... and hopefully I get to go over for a visit at some point!

Congratulations MMJJ... so incredibly excited for you...

So with 15 minutes to spare I just have time to tell you all of my fight with a pick axe... Sounds rather impressive doesn't it! It was just a minor incident at gardening yesterday that could have resulted in me breaking my nose or loosing an eye but due to my incredibly accurate aim and God sending his guardian (or should that be gardening) angels, it resulted in a mere flesh wound! It doesn't look to glamorous I have to admit with a sterri-strip running the length of my nose and some swelling but it could have been much worse. At least I've avoided getting a black eye! And I'm so thankful it happened the day after my interview and not the day before!

For those of you who haven't heard, I had an interview on Wednesday morning for the position of Weekend Service Co-ordinator at Careforce. It was such a great interview, really relaxed but at the same time covering so much round. I was upfront in the job application about my experience with burnout from my last job and we talked about that and what I've learnt to ensure I don't experience that again. Despite having what most could consider a glaring weakness, they said they really liked my application and were talking very positively. There were quite a few applicants and interviewing runs into next week so they anticipate I'll hear at the end of next week. regardless of the outcome, I was thrilled to have the opportunity and was so grateful I didn't fall apart! And I've met some more people at church and they were lovely so that can't be a bad thing!

Counselling continues to be a really valuable experience. I have homework to do this week to identify areas of false belief and replace them with God's truth about me. I have to keep a journal and memorise some verses. I was reminded of how valuable an exercise learning memory verses as a child was and how wish I had kept up the habit! But I'm so thankful that it's never too late to change and I can make the effort to form new habits... So I think I'll leave it there. Thanks for continuing to post people. I love hearing what your up to and learning new stuff. I did not know that Don Adam's Daughter was called Beige for example!

OK, so once again I find myself limited for time here at the library and so this will probably be just a quick post to say hi. It's amazing how quickly the time passes these days! It feels like only yesterday I was freaking out a little about my impending birthday and now I've been 30 for two weeks already! Thank you to all who helped make my birthday special. I really was a bit overwhelmed by all of the effort everyone went to to help me celebrate. The party was lots of fun and I was so glad to share the day with people I love. And thank you so much for the calls and well wishes from those of you unable to be present physically, they really meant a lot!

And I have to say I got some pretty amazing presents too! An indescribably good DVD, some great vouchers will make for some very fun shopping expeditions, WAY too much chocolate (yeah right, as if there is such a thing!) including my very own imported box of peanut butter M&M's (fruit and veggies are very important, thanks McLeans), a very lovely spa pack that I can't wait to indulge myself with, my very own patchwork tools so I don't have to keep borrowing for my sisters!, Phil Wickham (well, the CD at least!), and an ipod which has been lots of fun to learn about and play with! (There have been a number of nights I've fallen asleep listening to it)... oh, and a baby elephant!

The big 3- oh wasn't too scary and I'm coping so far with all it entails. I guess the counselling started at a very opportune time because otherwise I'd be tempted to make a list of 'shoulds' - my life should be in a different place, I should be working in a great job making lots of money, i should be _______ (insert your favourite expectation here) It's been so helpful to realise that that kind of thinking only keeps me in a negative downward spiral... I still have to stop myself doing it but at least I'm aware of it and see opportunities to remind myself of God's grace... There really is nothing like it!

So my time's up... but i hope to post again soon!

Just a quick one...

Just wanted to do a quick post to say hi. I only have a few minutes left on the computer and so can't get too deep and meaningful! No counselling this week either so nothing to bare my soul about! ;-)

I must say,I am looking forward to tomorrow! Not necessarily the getting older bit but at least the party bit will be fun! And I got a mysterious package in the mail today which is a bit exciting! Actually, to tell the truth, the getting older bit doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would! I just have this sense recently that I'm where God wants me and His timing is perfect so whatever He needs me to learn or do or whatever plans He has for my life will come when it needs to and that's all great! Does that make any sense? It probably sounds a bit airy fairy but it makes sense in my head anyway.

Continuing to read 'Love is a Choice'. Challenging and valuable and a little scary all at once! I'll share more on that another time.

Have a fabulous day!

Pressed but not crushed...

So I have that song in my head today - you know the one - "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the Joy of the Lord..." and for the life of me I can't remember whose it is! But that's OK, I can live with not knowing/remembering everything - maybe that's a sign of my impending old age! So I'm having a little difficulty coming up with a literary character to dress up as for next Friday night... It's a little difficult/uncomfortable/restrictive to do the whole Elisabeth Bennett thing, I'm not really keen on the idea of dressing as Aslan for the night either... not doubt I'll come up with something! So the theme seemed like a good idea at the time...

But that's not why I've felt pressed, if indeed pressed is an accurate description. I survived my second counselling appointment this week! YAY! It continues to be a really worthwhile and thought provoking experience and I'm not nearly as anxious about the whole deal as I was previously. We spent a whole lot of time this week talking about the amount of times I managed to use the word 'should' when describing where I feel my life is and were I would like it to be. Tom pointed out that 'should' is a very negative and restrictive term and wont result in growth or freedom, only condemnation and feelings of failure. It was quite challenging as I realise just how unaccepting of myself I can be and therefore I can be quite unaccepting of other also! So I'm doing my best to surrender it all to God and trust that He has me where He wants me for now and He's doing what He needs to do...

So I finished Facing Your Giants this week - SUCH a good book... I highly recommend it as an insightful and practical study of the life of David. I saw things I'd never seen before... Really good! Now I'm reading a book called Love is a Choice and also Inside my Heart by Robin McGraw (yes, Dr Phil's wife - I can almost hear the comments from here Jon!) haven't gotten too far into either if them yet so we'll see how it goes...

Anyone reading anything good these days? Or even anything bad?

I'm off now, I'll try and post again this week but don't know if I'll get the opportunity...

Oh yeah! I did that spiritual test today and my highest were Mercy and Pastor/Shepherd... Yet to read the detailed description of what that means...

Twice in one week...

What's with that!?! Thanks for letting me know that you still check up on me guys. If only the two of you read then I'm satisfied. The truth is, communicating to people what's happening in my world is only really part of the reason I blog. The other part is it actually gives me an opportunity to crystallise my thoughts and get stuff said, regardless of whether or not I'm talking to myself.

So I have to say that this has been a good week! Hard, but I really feel I've taken some necessary steps and been reminded of some important stuff to help along the way. I know I talked about it last time, but I have to say the counselling was a really great experience this week. Even if the session itself turned out to be a waste of time (which it wasn't - time and money VERY well spent in fact) just the process of killing my pride enough to get to the point of going to counselling brought an element of healing. I had forgotten the freedom there is in the knowledge that I can't do this life on my own and saying without God I'm nothing. Jon sent me a DVD of a message by PS Robert Fergusson and he was talking about going from a place of fruitful Independence where life is great and can do it ourselves, to a place of barren dependence when God takes us out to the wilderness/desert where we have to rely on Him, to a place of fruitful dependence where life is flourishing because we depend on Him. I think this year I've in reality been in a place of barren dependence whilst trying to be in a place of fruitful Independence. I think I'm gradually coming to the place of living in dependence and actually coming through to a place of fruitful dependence... Confused yet? I'll lend you the message and it will all become clear!!!

So along with that, I've been reading some great books. I've read Sex God by Rob Bell a few times now and keep going back to it. I found it so revelational and inspiring and he just makes me look at things in such a new way. Each time I read it, I see new things. the other book I'm reading right now it Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It is a really good reminder of the importance of focusing on God in the midst of life's circumstances. One line that comes to mind - a bit cheesy but none the less effective - 'Focus on giants, you stumble. Focus on God, giants tumble.'

It seems God has me on a bit of a theme at the moment, looking at what intimacy really is - what it looks like with God, with my family and with all my other relationships. The Search for Intimacy course we're doing at Church has given me much food for thought. This last session on was entitled 'Deadly Dating' and outlined some key reasons why dating as society does it can be harmful and lead to people getting hurt. I definitely get the impression that Allan Meyer, the writer and presenter of the course (and my pastor) is not a fan of the whole dating concept and instead advocates courtship. My problem is, I don't really know what courtship looks like! Anyone have any ideas on how courtship differs from dating? I'd really love to hear what you have to say...

So I think I'll leave it there for this time, or I'll run out of things to talk about!

It's been a long time coming...

So I wonder if anyone even bothers to check this blog anymore since it has taken me an inordinately long time to write anything! well the reasons for my absence have been long and varied, ranging for having nothing interesting to say,having no land line connected at home, and most recently, completely forgetting my password! But in a moment of brilliance I tried a long forgotten combination and here we are!

Now if only i had something interesting to say...

I guess i could talk about the fact that I'm getting old and have a scary number coming up and the feeling of 'what have i done with my life?' that will no doubt rear it's ugly head... or I could talk about the scary prospect of once again stepping out into the world of employment outside of the protective safety of my family... or I could talk about the difficulties in facing truths about myself that I wish were other than they currently are...

But I'm sure that could be potentially depressing for everyone concerned. I'll just talk about today... Today I went to a counsellor. It was my first appointment and a scary prospect but a necessary step to take if i want to make some real progress. It was really hard to get to a point of admitting that I don't in fact have all of the answers and could do with some help along the way... It's remarkable how in just a few short minutes this relative stranger was talking to me about the deepest, personal things in my life. It's amazing just how helpful it is having someone impartial listen to you and reflect things back to you perhaps in ways you hadn't seen them before...

And tonight I'm off to church to carrying on with week 5? of our 'Search for Intimacy' course... I had no idea when I started going just how helpful and revealing this course would be. It's made me think about so many things and given me insight and clarity on so many aspects. It's quite timely i think given recent events with Jon. I'm learning so much about myself and how I relate and how men and women tick and what things can influence a relationship. I hope I can take away from this some really good life lessons... well that's enough rambling for me for now... Hopefully it won't be another 6 months before i remember my password again!

South of the border

It's been a few weeks since I last posted and so much has happened! I have been a Victorian again for a little over a week now and am enjoying being back. It's amazing to think that just a few short weeks ago I made the decision to come back and now here I am. God took care of things so beautifully with me resigning form work and telling my housemates they needed to find someone else for the room. There were a few people I was a little nervous about telling but everyone has been really supportive and can see that I've made the best decision for me at this time. As hard as it was to leave friends behind, it has been such a God thing - I've really had a peace about it. So thank you all who have supported me through this. You have made what sould have been a horrible transition so much easier to deal with.

It was great to have the extra week in Sydney once I had finished work. It gave me some time to get things organised and spend some time relaxing with people important to me. Jon has been a tower of strength since I made the decision to move back. I know it's been really hard on him but he's been able to set that aside and see that this move was necessary and in the long run will make me a lot more fun to be around! In the mean time we get to rack up some frequent flyer points and use up credit on our phones!

So life in sunny Gembrook has been a fair bit busier than I first anticipated, not that I'm complaining. I've been fortunate enough to get some work one day a week at my sister's Sweet shop... if you are ever in town you must come and visit the Gembrook Sweet Co... and also I've had a few days work gardening. It's been so nice to do work that hasn't required me to sit behind a computer for 8+ hours a day. Tomorrow is my first day in the shop on my own - a little bit daunting but I figure if I just take it one customer at a time it can't be too bad... and as my very wise sister advised me, if i don't know something, just fudge it. I think fudge may be a very popular choice tomorrow...

Well that's enough rabbiting on from me! I'm not sure when my life will be exciting enough to write anything new so we'll see!

The next chapter

I actually wrote this post yesterday but managed to delete it whilst trying to post it so gave up and decided to try again today. it was really good yesterday too! I was sitting at my computer, nice and relaxed, listening to Pandora. For those of you who are unaware, Pandora is a website where you can go and create your own radio stations but typing in the music you like, Christian or secular. The site then generates a radio staion that plays that particular artist and others like them. It's a really good way to become familiar with new bands without spending money buying CDs or downloading there songs. You can generate 4 or 5 stations automatically and an unlimited number if you happen to know an American post code. I can't recommend it highly enough. Thanks Jon for introducing me to it!

Well, life continues to be entertaining and suprisinging. As you may have already heard, I have resigned from my job and will be finishing up on Friday. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be going to but that thought of moving on to the next phase of life is exciting. I've had and amazing time in Sydney over the past 4 years and will leave behind an incredible group of friends and a great church. It has been a blessing to be a part of something significant andI've learnt so much about myself and others and how to do life well. I've also learnt about how to do life not-so-well and intend rectifying that with some rest and relaxation!

Expect to see a lot more of the Sydney siders as my friends make their way down at every available opportunity. I don't think any of them have their flights booked just yet but hopefully it won't be too far away... I'm looking forward to showing Melbourne off to them. When people come to visit it is a great excuse to head into the city and spend the day.

So the next week will be pretty full as I finish off at work, pack, say goodbye to people and generally organise my life. My beautiful mother is coming all the way up again to help me pack and move everything and then we are driving back to Victoria on Australia Day. Well I'm off the the movies tonight so I should stop rambling. I think We will see Blood Diamond which I've heard great reviews about. On Saturday we went and saw The Pursuit of Happyness which I highly recommend to all. it didn't make me cry but was a really great story.

Love you all, see the Victorians soon!