Finding inspiration in unexpected places...

It was my last official day at work today. It felt a little anti-climactic really. The whole place is in the throes of 'Conference mode' - a term you get familiar with at places like Hillsong! It was strange to not be a part of it at be rushing around doing important things...

Oh well, I'm off for my second PCA shift tomorrow, starting at 6am! Who starts work at such an inhumane hour?!? I had my first shift last Saturday and it was o.k.! It was down at Mornington and the day room looked right out over the Ocean. It really was beautiful. The facility was quite nice too. All the residents had their own private ensuite rooms and a gym and a day room, a kitchen and chapel. And of course the sea view day room! And their were some people who enjoy it there and some who struggled... One man had lived there for 5 years and one lady had been there for about 6 weeks. She had buried her husband the week before I was there and was one of the most positive people I have met. Of course she was in grief and was able to express that but in the midst of her sadness has such an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It was breath taking and inspiring and I find myself asking the question 'how do you get like that?'

I also had a chance to watch Oprah this week (I can almost hear the groans now...) and she was doing a special on death. Her guests were two of the most incredible people, both of whom have cancer. That alone peaked my interest and I was so glad I continued to watch. Her first guest was a girl about my age named Kris Carr diagnosed with incurable cancer in 2003 and a few weeks into her diagnosis, picked up a video camera to document her journey and the end result was her documentary 'crazy sexy cancer'. Once again, such an inspiring person! (I need a new word for inspiration)


The other guest was Randy Pausch - a name you may be familiar with. Just such a determined and positive man in the face of his horrible and definite circumstance. And that gets me thinking about just how much we (well, I at least) allow circumstance to determine my outlook on life. How easily I am swayed by things that come across my path. I don't want things to have so much influence in how I live each day. How do you get good at not allowing circumstance to dictate your mood or outlook without shutting off emotions? I'm becoming more and more aware of the need to be 'present' each moment and paying attention to my thoughts and feelings and reactions to things, but how do you then not let that dictate? How do you actually change mindsets?

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

The Edge of a Season...

I'm not really in the mood to blog tonight but maybe that's why I should. I've struggled today with a whole range of emotions and am not entirely sure what I've ended up with. This is my last week at work I think and it seems strange to be leaving. My position has been made redundant as it's hard to be a Personal Assistant to someone who isn't there any more. I had a really great conversation with one of the elders of the church last week named Phil - kind of a 'where to from here?' deal and I wish I knew the answer. As disappointed as I was about the way my leaving this role has been handled, I have to say there is a part of me that is looking forward to what comes next. During this conversation, Phil was able to challenge me about all sorts of things and I saw that I can hide in my job, not having to engage with the outside world, but at the same time getting frustrated that I had very little opportunity to engage with the outside world! Am I the only one who tries to avoid the thing I think will actually bring me some kind of fulfillment because it's confronting and scary and somewhat overwhelming? I don't know what it is that will bring me fulfillment, but I know it's not sitting behind a desk all day...
So tomorrow I'm signing up with a job agency and we'll see what comes of that. I'm not sure I'm ready for the outside world but I have to trust the God has me covered. I've never been very good at embracing the unknown but sometimes the best thing that can happen is to be given no choice. I guess we'll see how it goes!