Pressed but not crushed...

So I have that song in my head today - you know the one - "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the Joy of the Lord..." and for the life of me I can't remember whose it is! But that's OK, I can live with not knowing/remembering everything - maybe that's a sign of my impending old age! So I'm having a little difficulty coming up with a literary character to dress up as for next Friday night... It's a little difficult/uncomfortable/restrictive to do the whole Elisabeth Bennett thing, I'm not really keen on the idea of dressing as Aslan for the night either... not doubt I'll come up with something! So the theme seemed like a good idea at the time...

But that's not why I've felt pressed, if indeed pressed is an accurate description. I survived my second counselling appointment this week! YAY! It continues to be a really worthwhile and thought provoking experience and I'm not nearly as anxious about the whole deal as I was previously. We spent a whole lot of time this week talking about the amount of times I managed to use the word 'should' when describing where I feel my life is and were I would like it to be. Tom pointed out that 'should' is a very negative and restrictive term and wont result in growth or freedom, only condemnation and feelings of failure. It was quite challenging as I realise just how unaccepting of myself I can be and therefore I can be quite unaccepting of other also! So I'm doing my best to surrender it all to God and trust that He has me where He wants me for now and He's doing what He needs to do...

So I finished Facing Your Giants this week - SUCH a good book... I highly recommend it as an insightful and practical study of the life of David. I saw things I'd never seen before... Really good! Now I'm reading a book called Love is a Choice and also Inside my Heart by Robin McGraw (yes, Dr Phil's wife - I can almost hear the comments from here Jon!) haven't gotten too far into either if them yet so we'll see how it goes...

Anyone reading anything good these days? Or even anything bad?

I'm off now, I'll try and post again this week but don't know if I'll get the opportunity...

Oh yeah! I did that spiritual test today and my highest were Mercy and Pastor/Shepherd... Yet to read the detailed description of what that means...

Twice in one week...

What's with that!?! Thanks for letting me know that you still check up on me guys. If only the two of you read then I'm satisfied. The truth is, communicating to people what's happening in my world is only really part of the reason I blog. The other part is it actually gives me an opportunity to crystallise my thoughts and get stuff said, regardless of whether or not I'm talking to myself.

So I have to say that this has been a good week! Hard, but I really feel I've taken some necessary steps and been reminded of some important stuff to help along the way. I know I talked about it last time, but I have to say the counselling was a really great experience this week. Even if the session itself turned out to be a waste of time (which it wasn't - time and money VERY well spent in fact) just the process of killing my pride enough to get to the point of going to counselling brought an element of healing. I had forgotten the freedom there is in the knowledge that I can't do this life on my own and saying without God I'm nothing. Jon sent me a DVD of a message by PS Robert Fergusson and he was talking about going from a place of fruitful Independence where life is great and can do it ourselves, to a place of barren dependence when God takes us out to the wilderness/desert where we have to rely on Him, to a place of fruitful dependence where life is flourishing because we depend on Him. I think this year I've in reality been in a place of barren dependence whilst trying to be in a place of fruitful Independence. I think I'm gradually coming to the place of living in dependence and actually coming through to a place of fruitful dependence... Confused yet? I'll lend you the message and it will all become clear!!!

So along with that, I've been reading some great books. I've read Sex God by Rob Bell a few times now and keep going back to it. I found it so revelational and inspiring and he just makes me look at things in such a new way. Each time I read it, I see new things. the other book I'm reading right now it Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It is a really good reminder of the importance of focusing on God in the midst of life's circumstances. One line that comes to mind - a bit cheesy but none the less effective - 'Focus on giants, you stumble. Focus on God, giants tumble.'

It seems God has me on a bit of a theme at the moment, looking at what intimacy really is - what it looks like with God, with my family and with all my other relationships. The Search for Intimacy course we're doing at Church has given me much food for thought. This last session on was entitled 'Deadly Dating' and outlined some key reasons why dating as society does it can be harmful and lead to people getting hurt. I definitely get the impression that Allan Meyer, the writer and presenter of the course (and my pastor) is not a fan of the whole dating concept and instead advocates courtship. My problem is, I don't really know what courtship looks like! Anyone have any ideas on how courtship differs from dating? I'd really love to hear what you have to say...

So I think I'll leave it there for this time, or I'll run out of things to talk about!

It's been a long time coming...

So I wonder if anyone even bothers to check this blog anymore since it has taken me an inordinately long time to write anything! well the reasons for my absence have been long and varied, ranging for having nothing interesting to say,having no land line connected at home, and most recently, completely forgetting my password! But in a moment of brilliance I tried a long forgotten combination and here we are!

Now if only i had something interesting to say...

I guess i could talk about the fact that I'm getting old and have a scary number coming up and the feeling of 'what have i done with my life?' that will no doubt rear it's ugly head... or I could talk about the scary prospect of once again stepping out into the world of employment outside of the protective safety of my family... or I could talk about the difficulties in facing truths about myself that I wish were other than they currently are...

But I'm sure that could be potentially depressing for everyone concerned. I'll just talk about today... Today I went to a counsellor. It was my first appointment and a scary prospect but a necessary step to take if i want to make some real progress. It was really hard to get to a point of admitting that I don't in fact have all of the answers and could do with some help along the way... It's remarkable how in just a few short minutes this relative stranger was talking to me about the deepest, personal things in my life. It's amazing just how helpful it is having someone impartial listen to you and reflect things back to you perhaps in ways you hadn't seen them before...

And tonight I'm off to church to carrying on with week 5? of our 'Search for Intimacy' course... I had no idea when I started going just how helpful and revealing this course would be. It's made me think about so many things and given me insight and clarity on so many aspects. It's quite timely i think given recent events with Jon. I'm learning so much about myself and how I relate and how men and women tick and what things can influence a relationship. I hope I can take away from this some really good life lessons... well that's enough rambling for me for now... Hopefully it won't be another 6 months before i remember my password again!

South of the border

It's been a few weeks since I last posted and so much has happened! I have been a Victorian again for a little over a week now and am enjoying being back. It's amazing to think that just a few short weeks ago I made the decision to come back and now here I am. God took care of things so beautifully with me resigning form work and telling my housemates they needed to find someone else for the room. There were a few people I was a little nervous about telling but everyone has been really supportive and can see that I've made the best decision for me at this time. As hard as it was to leave friends behind, it has been such a God thing - I've really had a peace about it. So thank you all who have supported me through this. You have made what sould have been a horrible transition so much easier to deal with.

It was great to have the extra week in Sydney once I had finished work. It gave me some time to get things organised and spend some time relaxing with people important to me. Jon has been a tower of strength since I made the decision to move back. I know it's been really hard on him but he's been able to set that aside and see that this move was necessary and in the long run will make me a lot more fun to be around! In the mean time we get to rack up some frequent flyer points and use up credit on our phones!

So life in sunny Gembrook has been a fair bit busier than I first anticipated, not that I'm complaining. I've been fortunate enough to get some work one day a week at my sister's Sweet shop... if you are ever in town you must come and visit the Gembrook Sweet Co... and also I've had a few days work gardening. It's been so nice to do work that hasn't required me to sit behind a computer for 8+ hours a day. Tomorrow is my first day in the shop on my own - a little bit daunting but I figure if I just take it one customer at a time it can't be too bad... and as my very wise sister advised me, if i don't know something, just fudge it. I think fudge may be a very popular choice tomorrow...

Well that's enough rabbiting on from me! I'm not sure when my life will be exciting enough to write anything new so we'll see!

The next chapter

I actually wrote this post yesterday but managed to delete it whilst trying to post it so gave up and decided to try again today. it was really good yesterday too! I was sitting at my computer, nice and relaxed, listening to Pandora. For those of you who are unaware, Pandora is a website where you can go and create your own radio stations but typing in the music you like, Christian or secular. The site then generates a radio staion that plays that particular artist and others like them. It's a really good way to become familiar with new bands without spending money buying CDs or downloading there songs. You can generate 4 or 5 stations automatically and an unlimited number if you happen to know an American post code. I can't recommend it highly enough. Thanks Jon for introducing me to it!

Well, life continues to be entertaining and suprisinging. As you may have already heard, I have resigned from my job and will be finishing up on Friday. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be going to but that thought of moving on to the next phase of life is exciting. I've had and amazing time in Sydney over the past 4 years and will leave behind an incredible group of friends and a great church. It has been a blessing to be a part of something significant andI've learnt so much about myself and others and how to do life well. I've also learnt about how to do life not-so-well and intend rectifying that with some rest and relaxation!

Expect to see a lot more of the Sydney siders as my friends make their way down at every available opportunity. I don't think any of them have their flights booked just yet but hopefully it won't be too far away... I'm looking forward to showing Melbourne off to them. When people come to visit it is a great excuse to head into the city and spend the day.

So the next week will be pretty full as I finish off at work, pack, say goodbye to people and generally organise my life. My beautiful mother is coming all the way up again to help me pack and move everything and then we are driving back to Victoria on Australia Day. Well I'm off the the movies tonight so I should stop rambling. I think We will see Blood Diamond which I've heard great reviews about. On Saturday we went and saw The Pursuit of Happyness which I highly recommend to all. it didn't make me cry but was a really great story.

Love you all, see the Victorians soon!

Just a quick one...

So I just have a few minutes til my ride leaves to let you all know I'm still alive and very excited about seeing you all very soon. Only 6 more sleeps!!!!!!!!!!! I'm very much due for a holiday having just been through our busiest time of year at work. Graduation was a success and now we are focusing on getting ready for the new year and the hundreds of new students who will decend on us all to soon. I'm considering going back to school myself next year and potentially doing my Masters but that's just an idea for now. I would need to drop back at work to be able to cope with it and am not looking forward to the added expense. I guess once I've had a little more time to relax and take stock I'll be able to think it through a bit better. Did I mention I'm really excited to be coming down to Melbourne in only 6 more sleeps? My wonderful mother is very graciously coming to fetch us and we've planned a stop at Brown Brothers for lunch on the way down... I can taste it now... in fact I may go home now and have a glass...


See you all verry soon!

Let's try that again...

So I'm not sure what happened last time - I posted this long story telling you all about the dramas of my everyday and it vanished into cyberspace. Maybe it's a sign that I ramble on too much and need to be a bit more concise. Let's just say that I'm on drugs doing a lot better health wise. Work is at this moment incredibly busy and is ramping up to the busiest few weeks of my working year. Graduation is just around the corner and there is so much to do before it gets here! I will definately be needing that holiday at Christmas time and i can't wait to come and see you all. For those who haven't yet heard (I'm sure you all have by now!) I'll be bringing Jon with me as he has decided to not go home to England for Christmas this year. You'll all have to be nice to him - I like this one and don't want you lot to scare him off! Oh and Matt, the Symphony/Rocks/Mandela/Italian Restaurant/Botanical Gardens experience was definately a date so I guess you'll have to pull something out of your hat to impress Mel (if it's possible for her to be any more impressed with you than she already is!) Hope you are all well and I'm so looking forward to seeing those of you who'll be in Victoria in 5 weeks!!!!

I'm back... again

I'm back!

Thanks all for your well wishes. I'm back at work today and so far am doing ok! Hopefully I'll get my blood test results back today and we can figure out what exactly has been going on with me. I feel like I've barely been at work having had 2 1/2 days off last week. My inbox certainly has felt the effects of my absence!

Despite not being 100%, I did manage to go out on Saturday. I was taken to the Opera House to hear the Sydney Symphony perform Tchaikovsky's Fourth. We had the best seats in the house behind the Orchestra and I was able to watch the conductor in all of his animated glory. It was so great. After the Symphony we wandered up to the rocks and caught the tail end of the market. No purchases this time but it was fun to look around. We stumbled across an exhibition on Mandela and his works of art telling the story of Robbin Island. It was so inspiring and having a glimpse into his world made me appreciate him even more.

After Mandela, I was taken to a great Italian restaurant in the Rocks. (For any of you interstate people who can be bothered to come and see your little sister any time soon I'll take you there!) After a wander up to the botanical gardens to see the lights of the city we caught the train home. It wasn't a particularly late night and I had a great time but I was (and still am) exhausted from it. Perhaps I'm not yet as recovered a I hope to be! Maybe loosing an hours sleep through daylight savings didn't help. I think it's definately an early night for me tonight... after Grey's Anatomy and Criminal Minds of course!

On a brighter note, I have some of the photos from our trip down south - I'll try and figure out how to post them and we'll see how it goes. Thank you all so much for making it a great holiday. I know Vanessa really loved it and speaks only half jokingly of moving to Victoria. I think we'll definately have to come and visit again soon. I had my annual leave approved for Christmas and am not due back in the office until the 3rd of Jan so I'm looking forward to that! Before then we have a really busy time at work in the next 6 weeks with graduation too soon to be upon us. I think we're a little more organised this time around and having done it once before I have some insight into what to expect. Before I know it, it will all be over and we'll be ramping up to enrolment next year! It feels like my job is never done!

Bec's currently unwell, and unable to post, but she'll be back soon! Watch this space...

4 more...

Only 4 more sleeps until in back in Sunny Victoria for 1 whole week!!! I'm so excited that I get to come and see everyone and spend some time with the fam. I've been raving about you all and the many attractions Melbourne holds to my friend Vanessa who will be making the journey with me. She has been born and bred a Sydney-sider and is looking forward to putting the great Melbourne - Sydney feud to the test. I haven't really put a great deal of thought into our intinerary for the week but am looking forward to doing lots of exploring. I'm sure we'll make it to a few vineyards, cafes, restuarants... and when we've finished sampling the food and drink (like that's ever going to happen!!) we might even see a few of the sights! Have I mentioned already that I'm excited?

Thanks one and all...

I just wanted to say a big thank you to you all for making my birthday really special. Thanks for your kind words, well wishes, fabulous presents and for those of you in the state, time spent. I loved everything about my birthday and it really felt like a celebration. It was also really nice to have mum around for a few days visiting and it was so great to take time out and enjoy the experience. I've had plenty of time to reflect on just how incredibly blessed I am. I really am loving life and am so thankful to God for all He has seen fit to pour into my life.

Greatness...

If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. That's a new definition of greatness.
And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. And you can be that servant. ~ MLKJ

I love this quote. In fact, I seem to be really challenged whenever I read anything by MLKJ. I managed to catch a little bit of a documentary that was screening on SBS recently and sat mesmorised by the charisma of the man and his devotion to seeing injustice done away with. I was challenged by a message preached by Bill Hybels at conference this year about finding out what make you get to the point where you say "I can't stand it any longer" then dedicate your life to changing it. I want that. I see it in people like MLKJ and am inspired and envious at the same time. I want to know what it is that will generate such a response in me. I want to dedicate my life to something. Sounds a bit dramatic I know, but there it is.
So, how does one go about finding there life's work?

Take 57...

So here's a tip for free for all of you out there. When setting up your blog, don't forget your user name! It makes it a little difficult to get back in again. But here we are once more.

I went out for diner last night with a some incredible people. Fabulous food, hilarious conversation, superb cognac! I was really challenged by the lives this family leads. They are constantly opening their home to all types of people, even me! They give so generously of their time, resource, energy and love to people that would probably encroach on my comfort zone... and they invited me to be a part of it! For the first time in a while I and really excited about the impact I could have on another person by just giving of myself, by more than that, I'm (selfishly) excited about how much my life will be enriched by the experience.

We hear so much at church about doing what is in your hand to do and from that you will find yourself doing what is in your heart. For a while now I've been wondering just what it is in my hand that I can do. Well, this family feel that I can be useful, and what better way to do it than to connect with people! I love it! Maybe as a result of this I'll be able to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, but even if that doesn't happen, I'll have an amazing time in the process!

It seems like everyone in my family is getting on this whole blog bandwagon and I figure if they can do it then it can't be that hard! Just kidding;) I don't know that I'll have much of interest to say, but we'll see how it goes!